Losing Shiny
by December Jewel
Summary: They scrub. They rinse. They scrub some more. They polish. Then they wait. Wait for the shine. Ryuichi/Tatsuha.
1. Losing Shiny

Years from this website and this is my "Hello."

**Warnings:** Grammar and spelling; Word is on my other computer and this one only has WordPad.

**Disclaimer:** We know the answer already so I don't feel the need to break my heart again.

**GRAVITATION**

_"Losing Shiny"_

**GRAVITATION**

He stared.

The room had changed.

The various stuffed animals gathered through the years were locked away in the hall closet. Every picture that had once adorned pale pink walls were gone, leaving only the now sloppily painted white.

All the shiny was taken away.

He knew it was bound to happen sooner or later but some part of him wanted it to be later. He didn't understand why it happened today. Or why _it_ happened. The only words he could make sense from Ryuichi's squibble from earlier was "It's for the best" and "He needs this".

Needs what? The separation? Why? From his perspective they had been doing well. Really well. So well that people complimented them every time they were together. So why?

Why the heart-ache? The tears? The screams? Why hurt yourself for someone else? Why must he watch Ryuichi cry late at night, arms longing to embrace his love. Why should he witness Ryuichi waking, all smiles, only to realize the warmth in his arms was only him? He hated the disappointment that shown clearly every time Ryuichi's eyes met his.

Sure. He wasn't the other man. He understood that. But why take away his chance at showing Ryuichi that they could make it through this... even if his heart denied every word he said.

The bedroom door opened and in walked misery himself. Sakuma Ryuichi closed the door behind him and slid to the floor, back pressing against the non-shiny white. Ryuichi brought his hands to his face and all Kumagoro could do from his position on the bed was watch.

Watch as his best friend became nothing.

Watch as his best friend broke.

And watch as his best friend lost the shiny.

**GRAVITATION**

It wasn't exactly what I planned it to be. It could be longer. It could explain why Ryuichi lost his shiny. But it doesn't. Could it ever? Maybe...


	2. A Clear Shine

The second part. I'm not sure why I wrote this since there is no reviews... Ah, well. It doesn't matter.

**Warnings:** Spelling and grammar; mostly grammar. I have problems with past and present tense and a lot of other stuff so please ignore.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own.

**GRAVITATION**

_A Clear Shine_

**GRAVITATION**

For the past two weeks, Shindou Shuichi left non-stop messages on Uesugi Tatsuha's answering machine. After the third day of the singer calling, Tatsuha came to rely on the calls. They always came at 5:30 PM, an hour after Shuichi got off of work and about the time Tatsuha's dinner began. Tatsuha doesn't know what the pink-haired man did in the hour between but if it has anything to do with the calls, then Tatsuha is sure he doesn't want to know. At least, part of him is.

"Tats, listen. I know you told him that you agreed but I know you didn't. Since Ryuichi told me I haven't been able to think about anything else and believe me, my songs reflect this. Have you heard "Do You" with me and Hiro? What do you think that song is about? I'll give you one guess? Well? ANK! WRONG! It isn't about me and Eiri, but you and Ryuichi. Seriously, Tatsuha, call me!"

"HEY! YOU THERE, TATS? Aw, c'mon man! I know you're there. You're eating, right? Stop chewing and start answering! I really, really need to talk to you! And I know you know what it's about. So, call me!"

"Tatsuha, must we play this game over and over? You haven't even called him and didn't you two promise to still be friends? Yes, I know; it works both ways but did you honestly expect him to call? He's hurting, you know. You are too, right? That's why you're not answering, right? Think about this, Tatsuha. Call me."

"Uesugi Tatsuha!! If you don't answer this damn phone in the next five seconds, I'm going to be very, very mad at you! One... Two... Three... Four... FIVE! ARGH! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG...! You know what, FINE! YOU WIN! I will quit calling. Who cares that you're losing the love of your life? Who cares that you're bleeding inside? WHO FUCKING CARES?!"

**GRAVITATION**

'What am I doing? We both agreed to this, so why am I trying again?' Tatsuha sighed as he leaned against the brick wall of his brother's apartment building. He had pushed the doorbell five minutes ago and when Eiri answered, his brother told him to wait. 'I really must be stupid.' Pushing away from the wall, Tatsuha began pace in front of the main door. "If no one comes down in three minutes, I'm gone. Why did I come here anyway? Why didn't I go to his apartment?"

The thought of the apartment they had shared until a month ago brought pains through his heart. Tatsuha remembered clearly the many pillow fights, the bubble baths shared, the food fights in the kitchen when they decided to cook instead of order out, and... and the bedroom. The place they shared many moments in: sappy, sloppy kisses, intense tongue wars, completion of becoming one with each other.

Tatsuha quit pacing. "No. We agreed on this. We did. It's for the best. It really is."

**GRAVITATION**

When Shuichi ran around the street corner to the shared apartment he had with Eiri, five minutes later with his hand tightly around Sakuma Ryuichi's, there was no one by the main entrance.

Ryuichi blinked. "Shu?"

Shuichi nibbled on his bottom lip. "Yeah?"

"Why am I here?"

"To become one again."

"I don't get it," Ryuichi answered, letting go of his friend's hand to stretch his arms. "What do you mean?"

Shuichi sighed, raking a hand through his tangled hair, "You would have got it, Ryu. You really would have."

**GRAVITATION**

The song mentioned by Shuichi is "Do You" by Ne-Yo. The one I have in mind is the remix with Utada Hikaru.

There.

Obviously a third part is in works.

Thanks to all that read. Even if you don't review, I will always love you.


	3. Chasing a Smudge

(sighs) I am stuck with WordPad... again. You want to know a funny thing concerning this chapter? Well, this was written at least two weeks after the last post. Yeah. I'm a procrastinator. Man, I hope I spelled that right.

**Disclaimer:** "I Must Not Chase the Boys" by Play. Gravitation by ... can't think of her name but you know who she is.

**Warnings:** girly pop music? bad grammar... I WANT WORD BACK!

**GRAVITATION**

It reminded him of a song he heard once when they were in America, riding in the lush limo K had arranged to take Ryuichi back and forth to the stuidos. Ryuichi had claimed the back seat as his, sprawling himself over every inch and not leaving a spot for him.

So Kuma had crawled over the jagged body and plopped comfortably on Ryuichi's head. Kuma smiled mentally as remembered the fifteen minute fight they had. Ryuichi had tried to put his earphones on right, but with Kuma's leg, the ear part didn't want to fit.

Finally though, they had compromised. The ear piece that wouldn't go in Ryuichi's, fit snuggly in Kuma's ear. He had watched as Ryuichi took out his player and pressed play. Kuma was surprised when the song turned out to be an Swedish song and even more surprised that the lyrics were in English. Part of him giggled when he realized it was the girl pop group, Play. Who knew his friend liked that music?

_Won't someone tell me what is happen' to me  
__Why am I so missunderstood?  
__Why can't they see?  
__Now I'm caught between the devil and the angel  
__That I use to be_

_It's true_, Kuma realized when a scream from Ryuichi brought him back to the present, _He is caught. He doesn't understand what's happening._

Kuma shook his head at his foolishness. Of course Ryuichi understood; he's thirty-six years old. At that age everyone knows what they're going through. Especially the emotion called heartache. Then again, many people didn't experience the emotion at thirty-six for the first time. His Ryuichi was one of a kind.

One of a kind.

That's right.

If only Kuma's one of a kind realized to pay more attention to the chorus of that Swedish song.

_I wanna go left but they tell me go right  
__Don't wanna be the little girl they kissin goodnight  
__The moral of the story is I got no choice  
__I must not chase the boys_

Ryuichi should have paid more attention. _The moral of Ryuichi's story_, Kuma mused, _He must not chase Tatsuha_.

Let Tatsuha chase him.

**GRAVITATION**

Uesugi Tatsuha prided himself to be smart.

Not book smart, but street smart.

He knew right from wrong.

He also knew when he had made a mistake.

Apparently, so did the broken frame that cradled the picture of two lovers.

Honestly Tatsuha. A picture frame? Be nice.

**GRAVITATION**

Don't ask... You see what girly pop songs does to me? It reduces me to... that...

Why do I have the feeling that these chapters will stay short? Hmm.


	4. Out of Windex

I think this story is a way for me to try different writing styles. I don't believe any of these chapters are written the same. Well, this one may be slightly like the first chapter... maybe.

**Warnings:** bad grammar, bad spelling, bad... everything?

**Disclaimer:** Here I am at home, straining just to see the computer screen as I try to figure out how I will pay three bills by the fifteenth of this month without a source of income. One of the bills, by the way, is for this lovely laptop I am currently using. So, no, I don't believe I own Gravitation.

**GRAVITATION**

_Out of Windex_

**GRAVITATION**

He really should have known better.

Really.

He should have.

But he didn't.

Because that's how Uesugi Tatsuha is.

He may be street smart but when it comes to actually thinking instead of running head first, he'll be the first to admit that he'll gladly hold his weapon in the air and charge without a second thought.

That's just the way he was made.

He liked to think that the deity above spent hours and hours scuplting him, and each piece was specifically crafted with Tatsuha in mind. No, not just any Tatsuha. But for him.

Uesugi Tatsuha.

Because he's special.

And everyone wants a piece of him.

Just not the one he wanted to give a piece to.

No, that one...

If there's one memory Tatsuha would never forget, it was the one his mother spent two hours telling him. Wait, no not telling. Teaching. Yes, that's the word.

"Remember this always, my son: each time you fall in love, each time you give yourself to someone, each time you let the mask you carefully created break, remember that each time you say goodbye to someone, you may have missed your chance. We only get one true chance to find our love and if you lose that chance, Tatsuha, then you may as well be lost forever. My mother told me this too, and I have told Mika and Eiri as well. Now, it's your turn. When you're older and start looking back at everything, you'll immediately zero in on that one. The one that all the fairy tales talk about. The one, Tatsuha, the one that got away."

Tatsuha slid down the wall he was against until his bottom touched ground. He was only a few blocks away from Eiri's house, but he didn't have any intention on going there; not anymore. He just came from there, so why would he go back? Why go back to a place where his brother was probably rubbing his forehead because of a migraine? Why watch as Shuichi devoured over twenty boxes of pocky? Why should he face the stares of Mika and her husband? Why should he endure the pain of watching Shuichi's two bandmates rip each other's tongues out? Why stand there, silently, as his ex-lover cuddled against some phoosey Shuichi knew?

Why should he let his heart be broken again?

He really should have known better than to let Shuichi convince him to come. He hadn't even been noticed; he just walked in, seen Ryuichi with that flimsy, then walked back out without anyone seeing him. They probably wouldn't care if he wasn't there. Why should they?

He's just the twenty-year-old kid from Kyoto.

The kid that not even his father wanted to see because Tatsuha reminded him too much of his late wife.

Again, Uesugi Tatsuha really should have known better.

He is the one that inherited his mother's disease.

Tatsuha laughed. "Genes from my dear father, personality from myself, and what do you know some bed-ridden disease that kills from my mother. Oh, my life is the best."

**GRAVITATION**

Seguchi Tohma wasn't evil. No, he just knew what was best for his family. Sure, he sometimes abused the power he held tightly, but to protect the ones closest to him, he would do anything.

So when Tatsuha left a few seconds after arriving, he didn't say anything. No one else noticed so why should he bring it to attention. Eiri had been trying to tear a box of pocky away from Shuichi, Mika was trying to break apart the two love nuts of Bad Luck, and Ryuichi didn't really seem to care as he was being flirted with. Of course, Tohma knew if he would have mentioned Tatsuha had came in, everything would have come to a stand still.

He also knew why Tatsuha had left Ryuichi in the first place. It was a secret kept only between him, Tatsuha, Uesugi Senior, and the private doctors he hired. Tohma knew it was better this way. When the time came for Tatsuha to leave this world, it wouldn't hurt as bad because it would be unexpected. If they had told anyone then there would be tears and fights and a whole bunch of other silly things Tatsuha didn't need.

So, no Seguchi Tohma wasn't evil. He liked to think he was a momma bird caring for her young. He just did it in a way that people percieved to be bad. But in time, Tohma knew, they would understand.

**GRAVITATION**

Bah... I can't remember the difference in age between Ryuichi and Tatsuha. I know the latter is sixteen but the elder? I haven't a clue.

Slowly, these chapters are becoming longer...


	5. Leaving a Streak

This one is a little weird.

Maybe.

Yeah, it is.

Right... if there was a second title to this chapter it would be "Phone Calls and Scene Dividers Makes the World a Brighter Place." Cute, right?

**Warnings:** bad grammar, bad spelling,... hopefully not bad everything.

**Disclaimer:** I have a job at Subway... I believe that answers it.

**GRAVITATION**

_Leaving a Streak_

**GRAVITATION**

"Tats, where are you? Wait, don't answer that. I know where you are or I wouldn't be calling, huh? Silly Shuichi. Mika was really worried when she went to wake you yesterday and you weren't there. Seguchi calmed her down, though. I'm not sure what he told her. Anyways, why are you there? I thought you decided it should be worked out between you and Ryu? At least, that was my understanding last time we talked. But then you weren't there that day I brought Ryu home and you never showed at the party... Are you okay? I know I haven't been the nicest person to you lately, but for some reason I can't help but think that something's wrong. I talked to Ryu about it. He said a few weeks before you two called it quits, you were acting strange; all sicky like. I'm worried, you know. And so is he. Call me, Tats."

Beep.

"Damn it, Tatsuha. Why the hell did you leave? Do you know how much work I haven't been able to finish because of that damn brat's worrying? Yeah, I bet you're laughing, aren't you? Stupid little pest."

Beep.

"I guess I'm worrying, too. Seriously, Tatsuha, call me. Or Mika. Perferably Mika."

Beep.

"Uesugi Tatsuha, what were you thinking? You do not leave a person's house in the middle of the night without telling them. Especially if said person is your sister. You better be happy Tohma told me why. Why didn't you tell me? I am your sister and I would have understood, Tatsuha. Since when did you get a dog, anyways? I never pictured you a dog person; you're more of a cat person to me. Ah, well, don't do that again, okay? And I hope your dog is all right. One reason I don't want any pets, damn things don't know not to eat wires... Call me and we can schedule when you'll come again."

Beep.

"I'm sure I'm not the only message you're receiving, Tatsuha. If you call Mika back, the dog is an American Pit Bull. It's still in its puppy stages so it doesn't really understand what to eat or not. I named him Screwy... for the you know what. Anything else she asks is up to you."

Beep.

"Tatsuha, son, how are you? I heard from Mika you left yesterday night without telling her. Maybe you should. You know, tell her about it. Her and Eiri. And anyone else you want. It might make it better. Your mother felt tons better once she told you three. So it might make you feel better, too. Call me."

Beep.

"Tats? Shu told me you left. Ah, we didn't even get to see each other. Maybe that's for the best, ne? Um... call me, if you want that is. You don't have to. It's not like I'm waiting for your phone call or anything. Just... it's up to you."

**GRAVITATION**

"I'm doing great, Shuichi! Really. I'm about to call Mika to talk so she should be fine also. And... I changed my mind, you know. I'm allowed to do that. Besides, Ryu and I are destined to be apart. We work better that way. You nice? When? Hahaha, don't mind me, I'm joking with you. Mah, don't listen to anything he says. I was normal then. And don't worry, everything's fine."

Beep.

"Ah, older brother. You actually called me. Is the world ending? Ha, and yes I was laughing; still am actually. Like I told Shuichi, stop worrying. And yes, I called you in case you haven't noticed. Mika is next I believe."

Beep.

"Sorry, Mika! Screwy's really important to me right now. I don't think I'll ever get rid of him; even though there are some times I want to. Yeah, it surprised me too. I wanted a cat... still do. I don't think I'll be able to make it any time soon. Sorry."

Beep.

"Screwy? That's one way to put it. Yeah, thanks for helping me... and for everything, okay? I know I don't say it a lot but part of me feels like I should say everything now in case I don't get the chance."

Beep.

"I'm not sure. I feel weak more often then before. And... I think I'm losing my hair... I don't want to lose my hair. I remember, that's what Mom said. 'It helps talking about it.' I don't think I'm as strong as her, though. So for now, we'll keep it between the people who know."

Beep.

"You called? I'm calling you. This is a little weird, if I'm truthful. Yeah, it was for the best. Haha. It's up to me, huh? Yeah okay."

**GRAVITATION**

"Hello?"

"TATS!"

"Ah, Shuichi. How are you?"

"I'm doing wonderful. And you?

"About the same."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really, really?"

"Yes, yes."

"Really, really, real-"

"Shuichi! Yes, honestly!"

"Okay then!"

"You don't believe me, do you?

"No."

"Ah, well."

"I'm just worried, Tats."

"I know and I appreciate it."

"Good."

"Hm."

"Well, I have to go. I'll call you later."

"Bye, Shuichi."

"Bye, Tatsuha!"

**GRAVITATION**

"..."

"Hi, Eiri."

"Hn."

"I'm doing great. You seem to be doing fine."

"Yes."

"Getting a lot of work finished?"

"Yes."

"That's good."

"Hn."

"Bye, Eiri."

"..."

Beeeeeeeeep.

"Stupid little pest making me worry."

**GRAVITATION**

"Yes, Mika, I heard you the first million times: do not leave Screwy alone in the house when I'm not there."

"Ah, I'm just making sure!"

"I know."

"So why Screwy?"

"Why did I get a dog? Eh, I dunno. It sort of... claimed me more then me claiming it."

"And the name?"

"Because he makes me screwy."

"Hm, how?"

"I'm more tired now."

"That's dogs for you. If you would have gotten a cat you wouldn't be so tired. They're lazy animals."

"I know, Mika."

"Tatsuha, what's this about not being sure you can make it?"

"I have a lot of things to do."

"Are they more important then visiting the sister you made worry?"

"Um... uh, yes?"

"Hmpth. All right then. Maybe next week?"

"Maybe."

**GRAVITATION**

"I wasn't sure you would call me."

"Ah, I just wanted to thank you over the phone when I'm actually talking to you. Saying it to a machine... I don't know. Something about it doesn't sound right, you know?"

"Yes, I know. You're welcome, by the way. You are family so of course I would take care of you."

"Yeah. Thanks."

**GRAVITATION**

"No."

"Tatsuha..."

"No, Father, I won't tell them."

"Then I will."

"Go ahead. You won't find me again."

"Tatsuha, why not?"

"Why should I?"

"Do you plan on letting them know at your funeral, Tatsuha?"

"There's a chance there won't be one."

"If you believed that, Tatsuha, you wouldn't have left that singer."

"Yes, I would have. Why should I make them worry even more? I'm not worth that."

"Tatsuha..."

Beeeeeeeeep.

"..."

**GRAVITATION**

"I called you."

"Yes."

"You called me."

"Yes."

"And now we're talking?"

"That would be it."

"Oh."

"Uh-huh."

"Tatsuha?"

"Yeah, Ryuichi?

"... I miss you."

"..."

"Tats, answer."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I want to be selfish and have you say you missed me too."

"I miss you, Ryuichi."

"Truthfully?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"Tatsuha?"

"Huh?"

"I want to see you."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"You're there. I'm here."

"I can be here."

"I don't want you here."

"Why?"

"Because."

"That's not a good reason."

"It is to me."

"Tatsuha..."

"... this reminds me of the conversation I had with my Father."

"Oh."

"Yeah. He said my name that same way."

"In what way?"

"Like he was irrated at me."

"I don't know about him, but for me I am."

"I realize that. And yes, I believe it's for him, also."

"Tatsuha?"

"Yes, Ryuichi?"

"I still love you."

"..."

"Tatsuha?"

"..."

"Are you not going to answer?"

"..."

"Tatsuha..."

Beeeeeeeeep.

"I guess you don't love me, huh?"

**GRAVITATION**

So, did you like?

Ah, thank you to the ones who reviewed. It makes me happy. So very happy.


	6. Remembering the Streaks

Eh, this is a little weird... I'm not sure how to express my feelings for this chapter. I can say, however, that the plot (Readers: What plot?!) has gone up a notch. Maybe.

**Warnings:** bad spelling, bad grammar... I'm sure there are more.

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I own nothing in this life.

**GRAVITATION**

_Remembering the Streaks_

**GRAVITATION**

For the sixth time in his life, he was scared. He knew it, and that's what made it harder. Before he could have played it off as nervousness but now that he understands the feeling, he knew it wasn't because of nerves.

He, Uesugi Tatsuha, was scared.

And that's what scared him; being scared. He never liked being scared. It was never on his top ten list of happy feelings.

The first time happened a few days before his fifth birthday. It had been snowing for a while and when it finally slacked off some, his parents allowed him and his siblings to go outside. They had immediately rushed off to the frozen lake near their house. Arriving, Mika had left them to go after her friends with Eiri soon following. Tatsuha was alone but he had liked it that way.

Soon, they started playing a game that Tatsuha was never invited to join. Tatsuha had watched with glee when Eiri had made a scoring move with a kick to knock the small ball away from the goal. The ball, however, went way past the original landing point and stood alone in the middle of the unused space on the frozen lake. The other kids started booing and Eiri had smiled sheepishly, ashamed at stopping the game. Tatsuha had wanted his brother smiling wide again, so he had decided to get the ball himself.

But the other kids never told him why they didn't go there. The area the ball sat in was a weak spot. One touch could send the ice and anything there into the cold water below.

They never noticed Tatsuha waddling over there. Not until a scream and a splash alerted them.

Five minutes.

Tatsuha was in the icy, freezing water for five minutes before they had saved him.

For those five minutes, Tatsuha was certain he would never feel as scared as then.

But he was wrong. Soon, the second time came.

The Uesugi family had been squeezed into the small hospital room where the Matron of the family spent her days. She had decided it was time for the truth. "No more lies," she had told her husband, and he reluctantly agreed. Eiri and Mika had acted accordingly, crying and saying comforting words like "We'll miss you." and "It'll be okay."

But Tatsuha didn't.

No, he remembers running out the room with his family's worried voices lingering in the hallway. He remembers storming out of the hospital into the pouring, non-stop rain and falling to his knees. He remembers beating the harsh ground with clenced fists. He remembers Mika wrapping her arms around him and Eiri holding his bleeding hands in his own. He remembers losing consciousness not long after.

But most of all, he remembers waking and seeing his Mother's tear-streaked face looming over his in the hospital bed. Apparently, his Mother had refused to let the Nurses put her son in another room and they allowed him to stay in the same room. He remembers her shaking arms curled around him, and her snowy voice whispering, "Shhh. It's alright, darling. I'm here now. You'll be okay."

Instead of him speaking the caring words, she said them. He remembers his Father telling him that's what she needed at the time. So many people had comforted her and she had been doubting they needed her anymore. But when she saw her youngest boy crying with bandaged hands, she had known it wasn't true. They needed her but they were trying to be strong. And with him at the time, she could be one that comforted her baby boy, instead of being comforted by him.

Again, Tatsuha believed that he would never feel scared; not after the last two times.

Just like the second time had crept upon him, the third time came crashing to shore.

When Eiri had left for New York, Tatsuha felt like a part of him was ripped away. Him and Eiri had been close before then, and Tatsuha would admit that he was mad at his brother for leaving him.

Then Eiri had came back.

The Uesugi family was outside on the front porch, waiting for the eldest boy to return. When the car pulled in the driveway and Eiri stepped out, Tatsuha remembers thinking that nothing would ever be the same. But he had ran to his brother and when he was a few inches away from wrapping the elder in a bone crushing hug, Eiri had merely pushed him backwards. Tatsuha could still feel the pain when he had connected with the ground. Eiri had raised an eyebrow and after grabbing his luggage, walked past his little brother and into the house.

He wasn't scared because he wouldn't have his big brother. No, Tatsuha was scared because the boy who had came back, wasn't his brother. He was a stranger and he didn't know why his Father allowed him to live with them. He wanted his brother, not this look alike.

It had taken Tatsuha a while, but he soon realized that his big brother was still in that stranger. And Tatsuha was happy he didn't have a reason to be scared again.

Until Sakuma Ryuichi had left a note for him on his seventeenth birthday.

_Tatsuha, meet us at the park near your house, 'kay? With lots of hugs, Ryu and Kuma._

With his heart attempting to beat its way out of his body, Tatsuha had made his way to the said park. Seeing Ryuichi sitting on a bench with Kuma on his lap, Tatsuha had felt some of the fear inside him fade away. Then Ryuichi turned towards him and the fear rushed back with vengence. It had taken over an hour of talking and little games for Ryuichi to tell him the reason of the meeting. To say Tatsuha had been surprised was an understatement and he showed it with his voice.

"What? You're joking right?!"

Ryuichi had merely shook his head and said, "No."

Another five seconds passed before the two came together in an air-stealing kiss.

And then the fifth scare held Tatsuha in its arms and refused to let go. He had to say goodbye to the one person that made him feel loved and cherished because his Mother's disease told him to. After two confusing weeks, Tatsuha had told Ryuichi he wanted to see other people, to get the chance to be on his own before settling down. Ryuichi had understood and Tatsuha had walked out of their shared apartment with no struggle.

But underneath the understanding laid a promise both made involuntarily; to be together again. They both knew it was there and Ryuichi had been silently waiting for it come out, but Tatsuha wasn't. Tatsuha had ignored the promise and promptly left the world of the living. Somehow - Ryuichi had told Shuichi he felt it had something to do with Tohma- Tatsuha disappeared.

Now Tatsuha was sitting laying in the very hospital bed his mother had years before. It had been a request of his, to be with his mother during the upcoming stay in the place he despised.

He was scared for the sixth time in his life.

He knew what was coming. The tests, the neverending surgeries to cancel out the disease, the pain. He didn't want to do this. There wasn't a chance he would survive and he knew that, no matter how much he told his father he believed.

He felt the hand holding his tighten and Tatsuha sighed. Without the man next to him, he didn't know what he would do. Feeling a calming hand roam through his hair, Tatsuha let himself be taken to dreamland with the voice of his Father whispering calming words.

**GRAVITATION**

So? How was it?

Thanks for reviewing!!


	7. Wiping Streaks Away

This one feels like it's dead to me. But I like it. I don't know.

**Warnings:** bad spelling, bad grammar, bad usage of "..." I'm sure.

**Disclaimer:** If I had the money, I wouldn't be in debt and drive a dinky '87 Toyota Corolla, now would I?

**GRAVITATION**

_Wiping Streaks Away_

**GRAVITATION**

_Yo._

_What's up? Ha, look at me, I'm asking a notebook how it's doing... all this medicine must be taking affect._

_There's not much going around for me. I'm stuck in this bed until..., well I'm not sure how long. It depends on if Screwy -Thank you, Tohma for the inspiration of a well-earned name- decides to show bad or good signs. So far we've been in the green light, but something tells me that won't last for long. _

_Father keeps telling me I should let everyone know. I want to but I... I just can't. No, if I die I want them to live without the regret of knowing there was nothing they could do. It would hurt them more if they knew. I'm saving them from that pain. That's an emotion I don't think anyone deserves._

_I wonder if this is how Mother felt before she told us. If she thought not telling anyone would save them. She must have; she was a caring woman from what I can remember. She was strong, too, very strong. I'm not sure if I'm as strong as her. _

_When Screwy decides to go bad... the pain... it's hard to put in words._

_I woke up yesterday, Screwy left a surprise for me. My hair... it's not so glorious now. Haha, right. See? It's so funny. Father told me you can't tell any different. I didn't believe him so I went to the bathroom in this room. He lied. I have bald spots and it's not so long now... Picture one of those football players from America with their partly shaved heads. Add a few bald spots. Yep, that's me... _

_I think I want a wig... Is that what you call them? I'm not sure if that is only used for girls... Ah, well, it doesn't matter. I want one._

_Hm?_

_Oh... I have to go._

_Father's coming in with the doctor._

_Wait... ah... Tohma's here too._

_I must be so lucky to have him visiting._

_Haha._

**GRAVITATION**

Tatsuha closed the notebook, set the pen in the spiral spine, and hid the book under his pillow. "So, what do I owe this visit?" he asked, slightly tilting his head in CEO's direction.

Tohma didn't say anything, he only nodded once.

He stared at the three of them and tried to understand what made them so... silent. Oh. Oh... "Oh."

His Father sat next to him on the bed. "Tatsuha, we have some news."

"Bad, right?" He knew his voice sounded clogged.

"I..." His Father paused, and Tatsuha decided the man looked like he was debating with himself. "... Yes."

Ah, so that was it. "Well, what is it?"

The Doctor coughed. "Honestly, we talked this over and have decided that you needed to know the truth, not any lies like we originally planned." He paused, trying to gauge the twenty-year-old's reaction. There was a slight tick in Tatsuha's right eyebrow, but the boy said nothing. "As you know, Tatsuha, Screwy..." They had decided to call the disease that for a more light atmosphere. "... has no cure. We can only wait to see what turn it will go in. However your tests from yesterday, we were able to determine that Screwy decided to explore."

Basically, Tatsuha's mind supplied, the only thing left to do is die.

"How long?"

"Tatsuha, we have to think pos..."

He cut his Father off, "No. We all knew this was the result. How long?" His gaze had locked onto the Doctor's own.

"Two months, at the least. Maybe a month. It's hard to tell."

"Tatsuha, maybe you should..."

"No!" Tatsuha wondered if this was his new past-time; interrupting his Father from speaking.

"Tatsuha..."

"For the last time..."

"Why?"

Tatsuha stared at his brother-in-law. Since entering the room, that question was the first thing Tohma had said. "Because."

Tohma didn't look amused, "I'm not playing this game, Tatsuha. Why not tell them?"

"So they don't..."

"Suffer? Grieve? You can't save them from that. When you die they will do all those things, so why not tell them? Give them time to prepare."

"What difference does it make?"

Tohma's eyes softened, "So they can say goodbye."

Tatsuha gulped and closed his eyes, trying to block out the stinging. "It doesn't matter."

"Tatsuha... you know that's a lie. What about Eiri and Mika?"

He noticed how his brother's name came first, "Eiri will continue writing and Mika will smoke herself away like normal."

"Bad Luck? Shuichi? Suguru? Maybe Hiro?"

"Shuichi... he'll sing about it. Ru? I don't know. Hiro? Ha, he'll be happy I'm not here anymore; less chance of Ru falling in love with me, right?"

"And..." Tohma stopped. He wasn't sure if he wanted to bring his name to this. But when his mind showed him the man he saw yesterday staring at a blank piece of paper, Tohma continued. "Ryuichi? What about him?" Tohma saw the shiver that ran down the boy's -he's not a boy, Tohma, he's a man- body.

"I... Like I said, it doesn't matter."

_He's running_, Tohma realized, _And I've been helping him all along. Instead of telling him to let them know when we found out, I agreed with his plea to not say anything. And now look? He's..._

"I know you know that's not true. If you don't do it for your friends or family, do it for your lover, Tatsuha." Tatsuha opened his mouth to argue, but Tohma held a hand up, "Yes, lover. I have long realized that the two of you belong. Since you left him, Ryuichi hasn't been able to be shiny."

_Shiny? Ryu's lost his shine?_ "But."

"No more excuses, Tatsuha. It's time for the truth, not lies."

Tatsuha looked down at his lap, tracing the flower patterns on the sheet with his eyes. Maybe his Mother had been right when she said, 'When you're alone, everything feels like it's too much, but when you're with someone, you feel lighter. Like a weight was lifted off you shoulders.' It was his time. It was Tatsuha's time for the weight on his shoulders to be gone. "Okay." He raised his eyes to meet the three in the room, "Lets tell them."

**GRAVITATION**

When the people who mattered the most in Uesugi Tatsuha's life arrived home, the message waiting for them on their answering machine simply said, "It's time for me to tell you the truth, not anymore lies. I'm... you know... dying. Mother's disease... it was hereditary... and I'm the lucky winner. Tohma will tell you anything else you want to know. Right. So. Bye."

**GRAVITATION**

Thanks for reviewing!!


	8. Searching for Shines

I think I like this chapter. Yes, I must say I do.

**Warnings:** bad grammar, bad spelling...

**Disclaimer:** Right... I own this... hahaha! Yeah, right!

**GRAVITATION**

_Searching for Shines_

**GRAVITATION**

Kuma didn't speak on the drive to the hospital; he simply stared.

He stared at Ryuichi with the dead look in his eyes.

He stared at Noriko with the dead look in his eyes.

He stared at Tohma with the dead look in his eyes.

He stared at Mika with the dead look in his eyes... until she picked him up and gave him a rough shake to have the dead look disappear.

"What the hell is wrong with this thing?" Mika gave the stuffed bunny another shake. "This thing is not normal."

Ryuichi reached over and plucked Kuma away from her, "He understands." Slipping one of Kuma's long ears in his mouth, Ryuichi started nibbling.

Tohma ruffled the singer's hair, "Kumagoro has always been able to tell how we're feeling. Especially Ryuichi... and Tatsuha."

"So my idiot brother can talk to a stuffed rabbit? Great."

"Why are you acting like this?" Noriko raised her gaze from her shoes and looked at her bandmate's wife. "Your brother is on his death bed and all you can do is complain about a damn bunny?"

Mika opened her mouth before closing it, "Like I need to explain myself to you."

"No, you're right, you don't have to. But think of Tatsuha. What will he be like when he sees you like this?"

"Happy." Mika refused to flinch from the angry stares that locked on her. "He wants to be treated normally, not like some priceless vase. That's how Mother was when she told us. Tatsuha, he make look like our Father but he has our Mother's personality; right down to the flirtacious manner. So, yes, he would be happy that I'm not showing my emotions because I know he'll know how I feel."

"Shiny." Ryuichi let Kuma's ear slip from his mouth, "He wants to be shiny."

Mika felt the smile come to her face, "Yes, that's right, Ryuichi."

**GRAVITATION**

Eiri continued to puff away on his seventh cigarette, aware of the glare he was recieving from his angry... lover. He understood that two of the members of Bad Luck didn't realize why he wasn't crying or screaming out of the unfairness of life. But the one that did understand, he acted normal as well.

Fujisaki Suguru was known for his cold exterior with not a hint of sun in him. He liked it that way; it was easier to hide the pain he felt. He shared this theory with the man across from him. He and Eiri weren't too different someone stopped and thought about it. Yes, the circumstances of how they became this way was different, but the ending result came out the same: cold, aloof, and hatred at anything in their path.

But two people made them stop and smell the roses. Shuichi gave Eiri a reason to continue living, while Hiro gave him a reason why he should be loved.

Suguru realized with abruptness that Hiro had been glaring at him for the past twenty minutes and he knew that Shuichi was included also. "Stop that," he told them with a parent's harsh tone. "You both are acting like children."

Shuichi huffed, "Excuse us for not understanding why you're acting like this?" He thought for a second before jabbing his boyfriend in his side, "You too, Yuki!"

A puff of smoke surrounded Shuichi's head, causing the young man to cough and sputter, "Yuki, you meany!"

"Hm."

"Tell me, please."

Suguru turned his head to the side to face his boyfriend, "What?"

"Answer Shuichi's question," Hiro repeated, changing the words from before.

The keyboardist sighed, "Think about it, Hiro. If you were in Tatsuha's position, would you want people to cry over you or have them act like everything was normal?"

"But, Suguru!" Shuichi whined. "Everything isn't normal! Tatsuha's... he's..."

A hand made its way to the depressed singer's hair and combed through the strands carefully. Shuichi looked at his boyfriend as Eiri spoke, "He wants us to act normal. That's probably the main reason why he never told us in the first place. Us going in there and crying, that will make him upset. So we should act normal, like he's only in there for a flu or something." Eiri pulled out another cigarette after dumping the last one out the window, "That's how Tatsuha is. He doesn't like for other people to be worried."

"That's right." Suguru happily agreed, resting his head on Hiro's shoulder, "I remember when we were younger and he fell off his bike. He had scraped his knee really bad, but I didn't know until the next day when he came over with his knee bandaged."

"He's still a pervert," Shuichi muttered.

"Yes, but he cares... deep, deep down."

The pink-haired singer sighed, "At least I know why he broke up with Ryuichi." Shuichi paused before covering his mouth to hide the screech trying to come out, "Ah! I've been so worried about Tatsuha and my own feelings, that I completely forgot about Ryu!"

"I wonder," Hiro started, thinking about the older singer, "how he's taking this?"

"Hard."

Shuichi looked at his lover, "Yuki?"

Eiri sighed, puffing away on his ninth cigarette, "Trust me, I know."

**GRAVITATION**

"They should all be here soon, Tatsuha."

"I know."

His Father sighed, "Tatsuha, do you want to talk?"

Tatsuha shook his head, staying silent.

"Alright then."

After a few moments, Tatsuha spoke, "Father?"

"Yes?"

"How do you feel? About this, I mean?"

His Father's eyes glazed over in thought and remembrance. "Your Mother asked me the same thing."

"And what did you tell her?"

"The truth."

Tatsuha waited for a few seconds before asking, "And that is?"

His Father stood from the chair he had been in and sat next to Tatsuha on the bed, "I'll miss you, that much I know. I'll have Eiri and Mika with me in case I'll need someone to hold onto. You, though, you'll have your Mother with you. She'll take you in her arms and tell you everything she always wanted to. She'll explain that she's been watching you since her death and let you know what she thought of the way you lived." His Father paused, blinking back the tears gathering in his eyes, "Knowing that you'll have her, Tatsuha, it makes me feel better. But part of me can't help but wish that you could stay here... just for a little longer."

Tatsuha nodded, his stomach tightening, "I'll miss you, too." He curled into his Father's warm embrace, realizing that it had been too long since he had.

A muffled cough reached them and they both looked up to face Tohma. The older singer smiled slightly, "We're here."

**GRAVITATION**

Mwhahah... cliffie? I think so!

Hm, I just noticed that Uesugi-san is OOC... Oh well.


	9. Gaining a Shine

This one is longer then the other chapters, I think. It seems like it is.

And I'm pretty sure you guys will like me for the ending of this chapter. I think this story has maybe one or two more chapters to go before it's completed.

**Warnings:** bad grammar, bad spelling... mushiness.

**Disclaimer:** Do you see any of this happening in Gravitation? No? Then that's your answer.

**GRAVITATION**

_Gaining A Shine_

**GRAVITATION**

Before Tohma could finish opening the door, a blurry pink object flew past his head and promptly smacked Tatsuha on the side of his face. The young man palmed the area where the thing connected before moving his gaze to the object in his lap. Beady black eyes stared back at him and Tatsuha held back a choked gasp. Slowly, he raised the object up and held it in front of him. "Hi, Kuma," Tatsuha whispered, a small smile forming. Tatsuha sighed before squeezing the stuffed bunny to him in a hug, "I missed you."

His Father grimaced slightly at the display in front of him, "Tatsuha, son, you have more company then the rabbit."

Tatsuha briefly gazed at the door, "It's a bunny, Father."

The older man blinked, "What?"

"Kuma is a bunny, not a rabbit."

"Bunny is just a cute word for rabbit, Tatsuha."

The youngest nodded, "I know. But Kuma likes to be called a bunny. He says it makes him feel special."

His Father still held a confused look in his gaze. "Alright then." _Maybe Screwy has affected him more then we thought if he pretends to talk to stuffed animals._

Tohma coughed and the two Uesugi's turned their attention to him. Normally the keyboardist wouldn't mind the gazes on him, but at the moment, he felt a little uncomfortable for disturbing their speaking. "Mika and Eiri are waiting to speak with you."

Tatsuha held Kuma tighter to his chest. In the midst of having the bunny in his arms again and the conversation about him, Tatsuha had forgotten why Tohma had visited. He took a few deep breaths before nodding his consent. _It's now or never_, his mind supplied. _You have to face the consequences of not telling them. You're the only one to blame._

_No_. Tatsuha shook his head, _There is no blame. If anyone were to have it, then it would be Screwy. Blame him._

A warm hand clasped his shoulder and Tatsuha jerked, eyes raising to meet his brother's gold ones. At first glance, normally he wouldn't be able to tell the types of emotions flashing through his brother's eyes but now, if he looked hard enough, he could see clearly. Sadness. Regret. Anger? Tatsuha tilted his head, silently asking why his brother was feeling anger.

Eiri simply shook his head and sat on the chair next to Tatsuha's bed. His fingers itched to grab the cigarette box in his right pants pocket, but he clobbered the feeling instantly. He was in a hospital where no smoking was allowed. Besides, he was sure Tatsuha hadn't smoked in at least seven months.

"Are we just going to stay quiet?"

"Maybe."

Mika laughed, "Hm. Just like you two to convey everything you want to say without talking. Well, unlike you I can't seem to figure out what you're both thinking, so if you don't mind, say it aloud."

Tatsuha rubbed the back of his neck, sourly missing the strands of hair that use to reside there. "Ah, sorry, Mika."

"Hn."

Mika moved towards the bed and sat next at the foot, "Were you ever going to tell us?"

He didn't say anything.

Eiri snorted, "That's what we thought."

"I wanted to but I just didn't know how."

"Hm? You could have, oh I don't know, called us. Come for a visit. You had options."

The parental tone Eiri's voice sparked guilt in Tatsuha. He blinked back wetness and settled for sighing slowly, "I know. Since I found out, I've wanted to tell you. Each day I told myself the different ways I could break the news and each way just didn't feel right."

"So you settled on not saying anything?"

Tatsuha nodded, "I know you don't under..."

"Damn right I don't understand!" Mika stood, hands automatically going to her waist. "We're family, Tatsuha. Family. You're Uesugi Tatsuha. He's Uesugi Eiri. I'm Uesugi Mika. Yes, Eiri's and mine's name have changed a bit, but that's no reason not to tell your family!"

"She's right." Eiri rubbed his forehead, his face taking on a pained expression. "Mother told us. You should have too."

"Right," Tatsuha started and briefly wondered if he should continue with his opinion. "Like you did with Yuki."

"Tatsuha..." Mika began before getting cut off.

"No! I should have told you guys, right? Well, why didn't he tell me about that? Didn't I have a right to know?"

"It's not the same!"

"Yes it is! We're family! Family tells each other everything." The youngest sibling rolled his eyes, "Apparently we're not the closet family."

Eiri closed his eyes, "You're just now figuring that out?"

Mika huffed, crossing her arms over her maroon blouse, "Honestly! Why do I put up with you two?"

"Because," Tatusha smiled, "You love us."

Mika ran a hand through her hair, "Yes, that has to be it. Right, Eiri?" She sent a wink to Tatsuha who chuckled.

Eiri opened his eyes a bit, squinting at the two, "I suppose," he stated before closing his eyes again.

"Are you alright, Bro?"

The blonde man stiffled a snort, "You're the one in the hospital and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

"Uh, yeah?"

Eiri laughed silently, opening his eyes to smile warmly at his little brother, "You make me mushy."

"I thought that was Shindou's job?"

Tatsuha laughed, "Ah, I hope we never change!"

**GRAVITATION**

"Do you need anything, Tatsuha?"

"No, Shu..."

"A new pillow? Blankets? Food? Ice cubes? A better T.V.? How about something to drink? I know this great place that serves wonderful mochas! Isn't that your favorite coffee flavor? Mocha? Hm! Or was it french vanilla?"

Tatsuha rolled his eyes before sighing back into pillows behind him, "I don't need anything Shu. But if you want, you could get me a mocha cappucino." Tatsuha winked at the young singer who grinned.

"You got it, Tatsuha!"

He watched as the pink-haired man ran out of his room and chuckled when a nurse yelled at him to stop running in the halls. "Ah, that Shuichi. He's so..."

"Crazy?"

Tatsuha closed his eyes for a moment, letting his mind take him back to the past where that voice was heard for many days. The slight boyish tone with a touch of deepness from hitting puberty. If he imagined long enough, Tatsuha knew he could picture the owner of the voice without missing a single detail. _But then again_, he wondered, _why picture it when I can have the real thing_? Taking a deep breath, Tatsuha opened his dark brown eyes to meet cobalt blue. Instantly he was taken down memory lane again, seeing glances of those eyes showing numerous emotions. Tatsuha coached himself out of the memories and a voice told him to say something.

"Hi."

Tatsuha cursed himself for sounding like an idiot. _Damn it!_

Ryuichi simply giggled, "After so long that's all you say?"

"Ah, yes."

The older singer shook his head in amusement, "You're so funny, Tats."

A small smile came to Tatsuha's face, "Thank you."

Out of meeting everyone again today, this was the one person Tatsuha was most nervous about seeing. He knew once they laid eyes on the other, everything would be awkward. And by the tense silent they now sat in, Tatsuha couldn't help but kick himself mentally for cursing his luck. He thought for a minute if things could ever go back to the way they were.

_Of course not_, the voice spoke again. Tatsuha wondered if Screwy somehow gained the ability to talk so the disease could torment him. _Things won't go back like they were. You don't have that kind of time. Remember, Tatsuha?_

"How are you?"

Tatsuha blinked out of his thoughts and turned his attention back to Ryuichi, "Um... alright, I guess."

"There isn't any pain?"

"Not right now, no."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

_And back to the silence. _Tatsuha cursed Screwy for saying what he already knew. _You should just accept it. This is how it will be until you die. Yes, that's right, Tatsuha. You're going to die. You'll never see your nieces or nephews. You'll never hear any new music again. Most of all, you'll never see _him_ again._

Tatsuha shook his head in frustration, closing his eyes to try to block out the now sinister voice. _Oh, why don't you leave me alone?!_

"Tatsuha?"

Opening his eyes, Tatsuha jumped back a little. Ryuichi was suddenly closer then what he used to be. "Um, I'm good."

The look on Ryuichi's face told the younger man that he didn't believe him.

"Honestly, Ryu, I'm..."

He should have known better.

A person couldn't talk when a pair of lips blocked their mouth from forming words.

Ryuichi pulled back and Tatsuha simply gaped at him. It took him a few minutes before he finally closed his mouth.

"Tats? Are you going to say anything?"

"I'm not sure what to say."

Ryuichi laughed, "Anything, really."

"Um."

"Words, Tatsuha, not sounds." Ryuichi narrowed his eyes before purring, "Unless they're good sounds."

Tatsuha gulped. He knew what that sentence meant and he wished the older man hadn't said it. Images of past love-making flew through his head and Tatsuha nearly groaned out loud from remembering the pleasure. "You like to torture people, right?"

"Sometimes." Ryuichi raised his hand to feel Tatsuha's hair, a frown marring his face. "When I first walked in, I thought I had the wrong room. But then I saw your eyes and I knew I was in the right place." The singer sighed, curling a hand behind Tatsuha's neck, "I miss your hair."

Tatsuha nodded, "I do too."

Ryuichi sat close to Tatsuha on the bed instead of standing like before, "May I?"

"Huh?"

"Tatsuha, think back."

"What?" _Think. I'm thinking. Think back to what. Honestly, can't he say... _"Oh."

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Uh, hey."

Ryuichi looked up from playing with Kuma and smiled, "Tats! You made it!"

Tatsuha nodded. He didn't know why he finally talked himself into coming to the park. What could Sakuma Ryuichi have to say to him? Unless it was about Shuichi and Eiri. "So, why did you ask for me here?"

"Hm?" Ryuichi blinked before gazing at the ground, "Oh. Sit." He patted the space next to him.

The younger man sat down, "So?"

"Give me a second, okay?"

"Um, sure."

Tatsuha looked at his watch and waited as five minutes went by. It was slightly chilly outside and he wondered why he didn't grab his jacket on the way out.

"Tatsuha?"

Tatsuha glanced at the man next to him, "Yeah?"

"I have something to tell you."

He waited for the singer to continue but when it came apparent that he wasn't going to, Tatsuha spoke again, "What is it?"

Finally, Ryuichi looked at him again and Tatsuha's heart started pounding like drums. That face; it was the same look when Ryuichi sung. The face that told how old the singer really was instead of his normal childish facade. "You promise to wait until I finish?"

Unable to speak, Tatsuha only nodded, still amazed at the eyes locked onto his.

"May I?"

Those two little words brought Tatsuha back from nice daydream and he blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

Ryuichi's hand reached and curled behind his neck, slowly tugging Tatsuha's face to his, "May I?"

Tatsuha tried to hold back a gasp as Ryuichi's lips met his, but truthfully he was glad he hadn't been able to. The tongue slinking its way in his mouth testified to that. After a few seconds of feeling heaven, Tatsuha was a little disappointed when Ryuichi pulled back.

"I like you."

"You what?"

"I like you."

"What?" Tatsuha pulled away. "You're joking right?"

Ryuichi shook his head, answering "No" before pulling the young man back in for another kiss.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"May I?"

The words slung Tatsuha out of his memories and into reality where Ryuichi's hand tightened on his neck. If he said no, Ryuichi would probably leave. But if he said yes... oh, the possibilities.

_You're dying, remember? You don't have time..._

_Oh, shut the hell up._

Tatsuha pulled Ryuichi to him, "Yeah, you may."

Ryuichi grinned, "Good," he said and then closed the distance between them happily.

**GRAVITATION**

Oh, gawd... that was too fluffy.

Be sure to check out the Tatsuha one-shot I posted, _Ring Tones for the Soul_. Leave some thoughts about it, 'kay?


	10. Looking Through a Shiny Window

Hm, this chapter revolves around everyone's thoughts. I've tried to add some humor and wisdom in this, but I think I might of failed. Oh, well.

**Warnings:** bad spelling, bad grammar...

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I do not own.

**GRAVITATION**

_Looking Through a Shiny Window_

**GRAVITATION**

It had been relatively normal after the news was out. Well, as normal as you could get with a bunch like the 'family' Tatsuha knew. No one had treated him any different then before and he was happy for that. He didn't want to feel like an invalid, even though that was what he basically became. The pain coursing through his body before was simply needle pricks, but now Tatsuha couldn't describe it. It was unbelievable.

Every night he closed his eyes, he wished to see the next morning light and every time he woke to the sun rays, he was grateful. But day by day, Tatsuha could feel his strength leaving. And it was showing. He couldn't go to the restroom anymore. He had to use the hated object he named Rapist; that's what it did, after all. When it was time to eat, he had to be fed by another. He hated it when Mika, his Father, or even Eiri (once or twice) fed him by hand, but when Ryuichi did, Tatsuha had to admit part of him enjoyed it.

Pretty soon, a month passed and Tatsuha began dreading doomsday. He had heard once that when a person is close to death, they'll know it. A friend from his high school, Takahashi Ryou, had told him a year ago, "Before Daisuke died in that car wreck, he acted funny. He added songs to my mp3 player and he made sure we spent time together. And... and he told me he loved me. I pushed him away. That night I recieved the call from his Mother telling me what happened. I never felt pain before then." Ryou had laughed and called himself an idiot for not listening to his heart. "I do know that Dai knew he was going to die. Like I said, he made sure we did things together. I wonder," Ryou had paused, a small smile forming on his lips, "I wonder what a person goes through when they feel that."

A few days later, Tatsuha slipped into a coma.

**GRAVITATION**

Mika stared at the pale form of her youngest brother. _He doesn't look like himself_, she thought, rubbing her thumb back and forth over his palm. _I'm so use to energetic Tatsuha, that seeing this stranger on the bed, makes me realize I took him for granted_. Mika laughed aloud, "I guess people realize that when someone close is about to..." No, she couldn't... wouldn't say it.

"Realize what?"

Mika turned a little in the chair she was in to give a small grin at her other brother, "That you took someone for granted."

Eiri nodded, "It usually takes times like these to bring that out in people." He moved from the doorway to sit in the other chair across from her. "But we haven't took him for granted."

She opened her mouth to protest but shut it quickly when he raised a hand.

"The past month we spent with him showed us that."

Mika swallowed, "Maybe." She turned her gaze back to the one in the bed. Moving her gaze over his covered body she stared at where his hair had been. When the last strands of hair fell, Tatsuha had started wearing a bandana on his head. He had told them he hated looking into a mirror and not seeing any hair. Tatsuha also admitted that losing his hair made him lose confidence. Mika smiled when she remembered Ryuichi smacking Tatsuha on the arm and loudly proclaiming, "Stupid Tatsuha! Your hair doesn't make you you! You make you you!" Tatsuha had smiled and apologized before giving the singer a soft kiss on his cheek.

"We'll see him again, you know."

Her gaze returned Eiri, "What?"

"Tatsuha," Eiri supplied, waving away the muttering ("I know who!") she growled at him. "When we die, we'll see him again."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

Mika smirked, "And what makes you think you'll go there, huh?"

"Obviously, Kami loves me. Look at what he graced me with."

She snorted at the arrogance her brother seemed to radiate. "You're so sure?"

"Yes."

"And what about me?"

Eiri snorted, "Look at you. Of course you'll go there."

Mika smiled and started rubbing Tatsuha's hand again, "Eiri?" she questioned, a slight shiver in her voice.

"Yeah?" He had an eyebrow raised.

"Do you think that Mother... that she'll take good care of him?"

Eiri's eyes softened to lighter golden hue, "I don't need to think about it, Mika." His gaze locked on to hers. "I know it."

**GRAVITATION**

Sakuma Ryuichi let the drops of rain trickle their way over his face to splatter against his clothes. Sitting outside the hospital on one of the many benches while it was pouring rain wasn't the best thing he had done. But he wasn't about to walk inside the crowded place that reaked with cleaners and a false cheery atmosphere. No, Ryuichi didn't want to go inside of the place that his lover...

Even after a month and so, he still wouldn't let himself believe. He couldn't. They had so much left to do. So many things to realize about each other, and... he wanted it. He wanted to experience more with Tatsuha. Ryuichi wanted to grow older with the young man by his side. He didn't think he could (would) survive after...

_Stop that! Stop thinking about it._

Ryuichi sighed as he leaned against the bench and closed his eyes. Opening his mouth, he tasted the salty rain and wrinkled his nose at the bitterness. When a shadow fell over his already darkened site, Ryuichi squinted his eyes open and glared at the one who blocked the rain.

Tohma simply laughed and moved out of Ryuichi's line of sight and took the spot beside him. "So," he started calmly, "How are you?"

Ryuichi rolled his head sideways to face his bandmate, "I don't know. You tell me."

The older man sighed, raking a hand through his blond hair. "Ryuichi, I don't want to play this game."

Ryuichi nodded, letting his head to drop to his chest, "I know."

"Then why start it?"

"I need... I need to get my mind off of _it_." Ryuichi knew he didn't need to explain what _it _was. Tohma knew.

A hand ruffled his brown locks and Ryuichi looked up, "You can't avoid it, you know."

"I know." He left some words unspoke and again, Tohma knew what he wanted to say.

"You can't help but to, right?"

Ryuichi chuckled, "Yes, that's right."

A few moments of silence passed between them and the only sound the two heard was their breathing. A car roared pass them and Tohma began speaking again, "Where's Kuma?"

"With Tatsuha."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I thought Tatsuha would like the company." Ryuichi gave him a wink. "Besides, I know Kuma likes spending time with him. And with..." He still couldn't say it.

Tohma nodded in understanding, "I'm sure he appreciates it."

**GRAVITATION**

A soft hum vibrated through the small, packed janitor's closet and the owner of the voice raked a hand through his already tousled locks. He sighed as he straightened his legs in front of him. The door of the room opened some, "Shuichi?" The man sighed as he realized his place of hiding had been discovered.

"Yeah, Hiro?"

The door opened all the way, outlining his best friend's form before closing again. Shuichi could barely see as Hiro made his way through all the disinfectants and finally sat next to him. "Are you okay?" Hiro asked.

Shuichi nodded, "I guess."

"Shu?"

"Why?"

"Shuichi?"

"Why does it have to be like this, Hiro? Why is life so unfair?"

Hiro wrapped an arm around Shuichi's shoulders, bringing the slightly tearing man to rest in his arms. "Life isn't so easy, Shu. We don't get to decide when it's time to go or even arrive."

"I know that. But why?" Shuichi felt like a baby, but he didn't care. He just didn't understand why this was happening. And to Tatsuha, of all people. The younger man didn't bother anyone, really, so why did he have to...

"When we're born we come attached with red strings. And each time we let ourselves go to someone: a lover, a friend, a family member, a string hooks on to their string and we become intwined." Hiro paused to take a deep breath. "But when one of those strings break, there is the feeling of not understanding. We don't know why that string had to break apart, but what we do know is that we'll never forget."

Shuichi sniffled, bringing a hand to wipe at his eyes, "Basically, you're saying that I should remember the past?"

"Yeah."

"And if I can't?"

Hiro laughed quietly, "Then you come to me or someone else and we'll help you."

**GRAVITATION**

He hadn't spoken to the man much before but Suguru found the aging man to be quite the conversationalist. Uesugi-san had an air of confidence mixed in with old age that Suguru couldn't help but wonder if he would ever have it. He watched as the older man and his cousin's bandmate played a game of chess. "What's the score?" he questioned, propping his head against his arm. He leaned over the table slightly to try and figure out what the tiny pieces meant. Suguru had never liked the game.

Noriko giggled, "I'm winning!"

Uesugi-san snorted, moving a piece across the board, "Not for long."

"That's what you said the last five games! Admit you ol' cout," Uesug-san spluttered about the youth and giving no respect to their elders, "You're going to lose and I, Queen Noriko, will rule over the land of... of..."

"Chess?" Suguru suggested.

"Yes! That's it! Queen Norkio of Chess! Ha!"

"Stop yacking and start moving, Queenie." Uesugi-san had a frown on his face but if Suguru looked closer, he could see the amusement running through his eyes.

_He needs this_, Suguru thought. _He needs his mind to be taken off of everything._

"So, Queen Noriko," Suguru started, splaying his arms out in front of him, "What will be your first act of leadership?"

"Hm?" Noriko moved a piece and grinned. "Well, I don't know yet. But I'm sure it will come to... Wait! Ah-ha! That's it!" Noriko's eyes took on a devilish glint, "My first act as Queen will enforce Lord Uesugi to admit defeat!"

Uesugi-san growled, "That's only if you win."

"Ah, but dear sir, you seem to have forgotten the previous five games I have won. Hm? Hmm? Hmmm?"

"Quit your damn 'hmm'ing woman and move already."

"Aw, you're just so disappointed that I'm going to win this one too!" Noriko moved another piece.

Suguru laughed at the two antics. "So confident, Queen Noriko." He couldn't help but egg them on.

Noriko watched as the older man played into her trap and smirked when it was her turn. "Well, Lord Uesugi, it is time!" She moved the final piece and took his queen. "Admit defeat! Checkmate!"

Uesugi-san replayed the game in his mind and his eyes realized what she had done. "That game doesn't count! You cheated!"

"What?" Noriko stood. "I did not! I won fair and square!"

"Like hell you did, woman!" Uesugi-san followed her into standing.

Suguru noticed the Doctor assigned to Tatsuha walk into the lobby and immediately started to try and calm the other two. "Uh, you..."

"Why you no good for nothing stinking..."

"Who are you calling stinking?!"

"HEY!"

Noriko and Uesugi-san stopped arguing and turned their glares to the keyboardist. Suguru gulped, suddenly fearing for his life, but he ignored the sinking feeling and turned towards the fast approaching Doctor. "Sorry about them," he gestured to the now paying attention rivals.

The Doctor waved his apology away, "It's alright."

Uesugi-san strode to the person in charge of his son's welfare, "Well?" Suguru could hear the emotions trying to fight their way of his voice.

The Doctor's friendly smile he had a few seconds ago disappeared and his lips formed a straight line. He had perfected his expression to come natural after too many days like this. "We have some news."

**GRAVITATION**

There's one more chapter. I might post an Epilogue, but it depends on how I feel at the time.

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing. You guys are fantastic!!


	11. Losing Shiny II

This one is really short. I thought it would be fitting to have this in Kuma's POV like the first chapter.

The epilogue is next as I'm sure many of you wish to know the others reactions.

**Warnings:** bad grammar, bad spelling.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Gravitation_! Sorry.

**GRAVITATION**

_Losing Shiny_

**GRAVITATION**

Kuma watched as the Doctors and Nurses came and went in the small room. He nuggled deeper in the soft blankets next to Tatsuha. Blinking, Kuma realized what the feeling he had in his heart was. Kuma straightened, locking his beady eyes on the pale form of his Father. (Shh! Don't tell Ryuichi; he'll get mad that Kuma still thinks of him as his Mother.) Why was he so cold? He should be warm so Kuma would get warm. Tatsuha was always warm. Always.

The door opened again and a Nurse walked to the bed. Sighing deeply, she picked up the pink bunny and cuddled him close.

Normally Kuma wouldn't let anyone he didn't know touch him like this, but he noticed the Nurse's sad eyes and slightly cuddled back. "Such a young life," she said, moving the sheet to cover the young man's body. "Why did I choose a career that involved death?"

Kuma blinked.

Death?

Wha...

As the nurse started walking to the door, Kuma stared back at the covered body on the bed. Was he...? Kuma raised a paw to touch his face and felt the soft fabric become wet. Oh-no. Tatsuha wasn't! He couldn't be!

Kuma began struggling in the Nurse's arms when she opened the door. He pounded a paw on her shoulder in frustration when he realized that she couldn't feel him. Or hear him. Only Ryuichi and then Tatsuha could.

Kumagoro stared as the door slung shut with a final click.

**GRAVITATION**

-hands out tissue- I know. -sniffs- Why am I so obsessed with Tatsuha hurting or dying? It's not right, I tell you!

And I know this chapter has the same title as the first.


End file.
